But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
no, he came in my armpit
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
