so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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