Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
