She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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