Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Randomize
