You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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