you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
