We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
