I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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