Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
