i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
