no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
