Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I'm having to shit out rocks
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