It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
Randomize
