woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
