i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
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