R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
