respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
We smell like vodka and hangover
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