I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize