Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
