I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
