He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
