I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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