Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Randomize
