There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
A bitchslap is in order.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
