last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
