So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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