No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
