Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
