Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
