I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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