Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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