i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Randomize
