okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
They have beer where we have blood.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
