You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
