He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
