How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
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