He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
