I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
