why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
