Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
this just has baby written all over it
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Randomize
