i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
where does the pee come out of this thing
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
