my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
