i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
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