My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Randomize
