how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Randomize
