you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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