After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
