He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
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