my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Randomize
