drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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