I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
