now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Randomize
