sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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