Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
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