it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
