in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
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