just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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