you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
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