Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
