forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Randomize
