You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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