wrigley field is MILF paradise
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Randomize
