how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
The dick lei will go down in squad history
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Randomize
