Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
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