Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
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