i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
