Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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