I hate your face
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
