Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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