I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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