well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
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