I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Randomize
