what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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