Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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