New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
